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What of divorce?

A visitor to this web site asked:

I went to a church in London for a recovery from divorce and separation course...It was more pastoral than most people wanted because Christians face peculiar problems in this situation and really want to do God's will...He wasn't going to get into theology. However, it was on aspects of this that people wanted to know, that is, are there any Biblical grounds for divorce?

Simon answered:

The matter of divorce is not generally addressed by ministers and ministries from a theological standpoint because the Bible does not make a sweeping, all-inclusive statement about divorce. For example, "Thou shalt not divorce" is not one of the Ten Commandments neither is it found anywhere else in scripture.

The Bible, at the same time, leaves us in no doubt that God intended marriage to be the unbreakable union of a man and a woman. God in marriage takes two to make one and this one is not made to be rent apart. In the Bible we read,

"For this reason (the reason of marriage) a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." Ephesians 5:31 - NKJV

The Bible, even so, addresses the matter of divorce compassionately and individually. This is why the matter of divorce is, quite rightly, approached pastorally - and by this I mean compassionately and individually - not theologically. This is God's approach to the issue.

Jesus as He outlines the divine principle of marriage addresses the particular as He addresses the general. He is thus dealing with it pastorally. He says,

"'No man therefore must separate what God has joined together.' 'Then why,' they retorted, 'did Moses command us to give a written divorce-notice and dismiss the woman?' 'It was because you knew so little of the meaning of love that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives! But that was not the original principle. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife on any grounds except her unfaithfulness and marries some other woman commits adultery.' His disciples said to Him, 'If that is a man's position with his wife, it is not worth getting married!' 'It is not everybody who can accept this principle (of marriage),' replied Jesus, '-only those who have a special gift...Let the man who can accept what I have said accept it.'" Matthew 19:6-12 - J.B. Phillips' Translation (Words in brackets are mine)

You asked, "Are there any Biblical grounds for divorce?" The Bible, does give grounds for divorce, namely adultery and "if the unbelieving depart, let them depart". (Mat.5:32 and 1 Cor.7:15) However, we need to recognise what's happening in this.

The scriptural grounds presented to us by the Bible for divorce are not God intended but man precipitated! God has a concept of marriage that is inviolable but man in his weakness and failure (his sin nature) falls short of this inviolability and precipitates a marriage rift that is very real - it is in no way only apparent. God acknowledges this sad event in these scriptures.

God knows man's nature and He seeks to have a relationship with us in spite of our weaknesses and failures. He also seeks to bless us and see us in perfect well-being in spite of them. This is the marvel of having a God like our God - a God of love, a God of faithfulness!

God has brought us into a new relationship (a New Covenant!) with Himself through the sacrificial death of Jesus and in this new relationship He does not deal with us harshly. In this new relationship God deals with us compassionately, gently and in absolute faithfulness to all that Jesus has accomplished on our behalf through the Blood of His cross.

You ended your email by saying, "It's these sort of apparent contradictions which Christians going through divorce wish to know!"

What so many Christians are looking for is harsh and fast rules for things but this isn't the answer to the condition of man! This is what the Law would have provided but was unable to "deliver the goods" in the way of a solution to man's condition and so Jesus was sent!

Paul writes,

"For what the Law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:3-4 - NKJV.

As humans, we look for simple regulations for bringing or making order out of our lives but then in the weakness of our flesh we continually fall short of the order or righteousness they could potentially provide. For this reason God has given us a new and effectual way in Christ Jesus.

As Christians, we have to switch from a dependency on simple regulations for bringing or making order out of our lives to a new dependency on the prompting and leadings of the Spirit of God. This is not to say we don't need the Word of God as the standard for our lives but, rather to say, that in dependency on the prompting and leading of the Spirit of God the Word will come vividly alive and give us life.

Paul is expressing this when he writes,

"Now we are discharged from the Law and have terminated all intercourse with it, having died to what once restrained us and held us captive. So now we serve not under [obedience to] the old code of written regulations, but [under obedience to the promptings] of the Spirit in newness [of life]." Romans 7:6 - Amplified Bible.

Praise God, He has given us His Spirit so that in marriage or in divorce - yes, in all our circumstances - we can walk in newness of life!

Man by divorce sets in motion a chain of deeds or events that are outside of a flow of God's blessings. However, by welcoming the ministry of the the Holy Spirit in your life you will break free from this chain and, once again, you will see your life returned to God's glorious intention for it - in spite of everything that has happened.

Pastor Simon - Cheltenham, UK. (May 19th, 1999)

Footnote: I should let the reader know that I am myself divorced. I have three children - Melody, Priscilla and Christiaan - by a previous marriage that ended some 17 years ago now (1999). I praise God that I have regular communication with all three children. I am remarried to a wonderful, precious wife - Ruth - and we have five outstanding children. I do believe the chain of bad consequences of divorce was broken in my life and I have seen my life returned to God's glorious intention for it. I praise God for His love, mercy and abiding faithfulness.

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