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Love and marriage


Part 1: Marriage advice


"People need help with marriage. Society's ideas have put many marriages into crisis. Here I answer a wife's question on the importance to a marriage of being in love - you might get a surprise!"


The following question came in to me by email about being in love and its importance to a marriage,

"I have a question, can you please tell me if a husband/wife is supposed to stay in a marriage if you don't love him or her like a wife/husband according to the Bible say love your mate? I love him but I'm not in love with him."


I must confess I struggled about being honest and straight forward in my reply. Nevertheless, I decided I'd better be. Here is the reply I wrote back.

I began my answer,

"I can relate to how you feel at present. I imagine there's a sense of unfulfilment and incompleteness about your marriage relationship. It sounds like you could do with some guidance about marriage."

(Content of this section: A look at what forms the foundation of a marriage)


Falling in love and being in love may be a nice feeling but it isn't the basis or foundation of a marriage. The basis and foundation of a marriage is a spiritual union and covenant between a man and a woman through a marriage ceremony before God.

For this reason (the reason of marriage) a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31 - NKJV

(Content of this section: The author's account of how love has grown in his marriage)


I have found in my own marriage that I have come to love my wife more and more because of the commitment I see she has towards me and the commitment I have towards her. Our lives have become mutually enhancing because we give of ourselves to each other and see the reward of that relationship of giving.

We have not attempted to be in love but rather we have committed ourselves to staying in the love of God with each other. This has made us forgiving of each others failings and ready to yield rather than cause trouble in situations. It has led us to find ourselves more deeply in love with a man-woman love. Ro.5:5, 1Cor.13:4-8, 2Cor.5:14.

(Content of this section: Guidance on what to do when the condition of a marriage isn't ideal)


The straightforward answer to your question comes if I address to you another question, "What has man-woman love got to do with your marriage relationship?"

As Christians, we have the love of God and in marriage we have a covenant commitment and spiritual union together. Once you rest things on that foundation everything else will start to come together.

In the meantime, keep yourself in the love of God and use prayer as your means of bringing God's grace and peace onto the scene of your marriage.

Preview of content in next part:

  • A look at marriage happiness and what the lose of the feeling of being in love signals
  • The author makes recommendations about what to do if the feeling of being in love has gone
  • An explanation of what a spiritual Christian marriage is to be based upon
  • The author comments on why marriage may look overrated in modern society
  • An explanation of what a spiritual wedding is and what it results in
  • A look at how a spiritual wedding combines with the social and the civil to enhance marriage

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